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State Knows Best
Nicole Hayes
State Knows Best is the debut memoir of Nicole Hayes, a Black woman who was raised in foster care and, after becoming pregnant at 15, was forced to give up her child for adoption. The story follows Nicole on a journey rigged against her while she desperately fights for the ability to see her child.
I heard the premise and I had to read this book. It’s no secret that adoption presents a series of traumas both for the birth parent/s and the child involved. Yes, even when adopted in infancy! Factor in repeating cycles, stacked odds, and open discrimination against older foster children and Black children, and I knew this book would pack a punch.
Nicole’s story is a wild ride. I really appreciate the honesty behind Hayes’ thought processes and the measured tone with which she speaks of countless mistreatments. Her tongue in cheek descriptions of other teens and even some of the adults she interacts with are entertaining and mildly infuriating – because so many people should have known and done better.
Hayes is also honest about the things she’s done that were foolish. She doesn’t sugarcoat anything, just tells her story as it happened. There are a lot of adventures that are sort of glossed over, but I think this was a very intentional choice to keep her memoir shorter and connected to her journey of motherhood.
Watching Nicole mature from sullen teen to determined adult was an incredible experience. She really rose above the people that had power over her in her younger years – and I don’t just mean in life, but in maturity and compassion.
I have seen several reviews complaining about lack of character development, or that Nicole is angry. As to lack of character development, I disagree. Nicole began as a stubborn, hurt, teenager and matured into a determined and successful wife, mother, and advocate. And anger? Of course she’s angry! She is ripping open old wounds, trying to warn others about a system that failed her and countless others. So Nicole, if you read this, be angry. Keep speaking out. And, last but definitely not least, I hope you’ve found peace.
I highly recommend this memoir. Nicole not only sheds light on a rigged, predatory system but also inspires change and hope through her actions and continued parenthood journey. Read it… like, yesterday.
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Thank you to Nicole Hayes for the complimentary ebook.
You can purchase State Knows Best from the original publisher here. It’s also available on Amazon, B&N, and other places books are sold.
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