I have a lot of thoughts about the 1985 film Once Bitten, starring a young Jim Carrey, Karen Kopins, and Lauren Hutton. Much of it including the soundtrack has the makings of a cult classic. A sexy female vampire seducing her victims, her stylish & sassy butler Sebastian (Cleavon Little), the classic “casting 23+ year olds as high schoolers” trope.
I’ve basically already summarized the story, but I’ll flesh it out a little more for you. Jim Carrey plays a high schooler named Mark, who like any high school boy is absolutely desperate to get laid. His girlfriend Robin (Karen Kopins) won’t put out, so he goes to a bar in Hollywood to meet someone who will. Starting off really strong in the morals department.
In this bar, which has some sketchy clientele, Mark ends up doing some speed dating and starts to fall for an incredibly beautiful blonde calling herself The Countess. She shares a bottle of champagne with him and basically throws herself at him, which no one seems to find odd despite her clear wealthy stature and the fact that she’s definitely older. Mark of course, is thrilled. Unfortunately for him, The Countess has every intention of turning him into a vampire through a three-step blood harvesting ritual. Mark was chosen because he’s a virgin, as only pure virgin blood will keep her young forever.
She takes him home to a gigantic mansion featuring a large nude portrait of herself in her living area. For a woman with a lot to hide, she’s definitely putting it all out there. Here’s where things get dicey. After a brief scene in which Mark reaches up to rub the nipple of the painting (“I told you he would touch the nipple!” exclaims my husband), she bites him in the thigh and he passes out as if drugged. In the morning, Mark believes he must have had the night of his life, though he’s embarrassed that he doesn’t remember it. Red flag no. 1 for date rape, but he and everyone else play this off as cool. The 80’s really were a different time.
Robin, of course, finds out about his one night stand, or what he believes to be his one night stand, and they fight about it before the Countess inserts herself back into Mark’s life and harasses him at every opportunity. Red flag no. 2: stalking.
Mark begins to turn, slowly, into a vampire. This process will be finalized through two more “rituals” (and by here I mean bites of course, one of which happens without his consent in a shop dressing room.)
He doesn’t really seem to notice the changes for a bit, besides craving raw hamburger and pacing the floors at his house all night. When his reflection flickers in a mirror, Robin “does some research”* and discovers that yes, he is in fact turning into a vampire.
*Apparently, in the 80’s “doing your own research” meant asking the quirky local bookseller a couple of quick questions and regurgitating that information to anyone who would listen, instead of doing a quick biased Google search 🙃 I guess we’ve always jumped to conclusions from unreliable sources.
The Countess’s stalking does eventually lead to a wildly fantastic dance battle between herself and Robin fighting for Mark’s affection. Come on ladies, young Jim Carrey is cute but Robin can do better.
Eventually, everyone ends up trapped in the mansion for the third and final ritual, including Robin. The victim must be a virgin for a successful result, so I don’t think I have to spell out the ending for you. Truly, it was a bit anticlimactic (for us and for Robin, I’m assuming.)
Anyway. Here is what I enjoyed about the movie:
1) Lauren Hutton was absolutely iconic in this role. From peak goth fashion to sassy one liners, she and Cleavon Little were a dynamic duo I want to emulate in day to day life.
2) There is some positive queer representation. Sebastian makes an “out of the closet” joke about himself and some of the Countess’s previous victims were women.
3) Jim Carrey was cute and likeable even though he was also a sleazebag.
4) A fantastic classic 80’s soundtrack, of course.
5) The Countess spoke to Mark through dreams, and the dream scenes were really fun to watch. It added a different setting to the film and some weird flair.
6) The absolute absurdity of a high school lunch lady handing a teenage boy a raw hamburger patty for lunch really got me.
And some notable criticisms:
1) In true 80’s movie fashion, the consent line is really blurry as I mentioned above.
2) Despite the positive LGBT+ representation, there was a bit of trans/homophobic humor during a couple different scenes. One of which was the classic “oh no, this hot babe is actually a man in a dress!” trope, and the other was an incredibly uncomfortable shower scene between Mark and his two best guy friends where they are mistaken for “f*gs.”
3) Robin just deserved better, but I guess non-sleazy boyfriends rarely make good movies 🙄
4) It was incredibly predictable, down to the ending. think, taking everything into account, I’ll give Once Bitten a solid 6/10. It’s definitely a cheesy B movie with great entertainment value and memorable characters.
I think, taking everything into account, I’ll give Once Bitten a solid 6/10. It’s definitely a cheesy B movie with great entertainment value and memorable characters.
The Midnight Review 